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Cinekuest Presents Street Cat Fight-er The Movie
What do you do when you need a cash grab effort? It’s simple–blow the budget on JCVD,and the scraps can go to the other sometimes household darlings Flying Raul Julia, Kicking Ming Na-wen, Who-Knows-What-Purpose-She-Served-Here Kylie Minogue and others that are there but don’t need to be necessarily mentioned (lookin’ at you Captain Sawardooru). We need Bison Bucks here bichoSTAT for it will clear the debt of this cinematic sacrifice to a fickle trickster god. There is a slight catch–your Queen will agree to this once she is reprotectored by the loving embrace of the Pax Bisonica and a new exchange rate is…negotiated *laughs in Raul Julia*. For sadomasochists, this movie provides a funfromp Friday of eroticoidal mental sexytime gymnastics. Your favorite hometown heroes are back to help you stumble through this double helping of chocolate poor-age chock full of Vitamin B-level talent into a feast of a film feature that is most fantastically filmy feast with notes of filminess.
The once and future king druggydealer M. Bison was tending his flock on the range and didn’t have a mind for street conquestering, but rather world domineerage and this master class moron pre-registered to get pummeled by previously pacifist farmers who plied pitchforks to the prevalent prick in power, which he not-stalgically zips back to as a totally-different-my-guy-associate-dude-story; “It was Tuesday.“ I probably shot somebody…could be…likely…yes…wait, what were we talking about?” *Chun-li has entered the chat*.
After promoting himself to general, Raul Julia went from shitbug to bigtitty butterfly by developing his plan of world peacitude. All he wants is to create the perfect genetic soldier! Not for power, not for evil–but for good, because good is dumb. Some call it ‘subjugation’, but potato, popurgemoida’. In the words our Lord and Savior JCVD, “It’s the Collection Agency, Bison. Your ass is six months overdue, and it’s mine. *laughs in Bloodsport*.” Brace yourselves for the Best Worst World Tournament Movie Evererar (That is until we get to MK: Annihilation). Join Daniel (Darkwing Drunk), Roland (Darth Goggletron), Rey (Cosmic Beef), Bryce (Young Breezy) and Ron as we rip through this wonderful whirlwind of Crapsterpiece Theater.
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